The Amazing Fantastical History Of Mr. Willy Wonka

Lyricist: -     Composer: -

Ten minutes till dinner? Just enough time to hear the story of Willy Wonka
Didn't we tell you the story of Willy Wonka last night? No
I have a distinct recollection of telling you the story of Willy Wonka just last night
And the night before that
I don't mean to be rude Grandpa Joe, but you are getting a bit old, and well, maybe a bit forgetful?

Have we really never, ever, told the boy about him? Not once
Well his entire life, the tot has not once told a lie, I told you so
But can we answer all his queries? Can we cover all the theories?
All the beds are staged, so dearies, let us try

Oh what a clever man he is, this Mr. Wonka, there's so many tales to tell
All about the tasty sweets that made the people gather round for just one smell
Children gnaw, while in their rompers
Chocolate eggs between their chompers
Till a tiny bird was perched upon their tongue
Yes Mr. Willy Wonka
Has a sex appeal what makes me feel young! There, I said it
Oh you little minx
From all around the world, they'd call on Mr. Wonka, kings and queens and presidents
Even down in Rome, the pope left home and in the factory took up residence
Dalai llamas and their mamas has such episodes and dramas
Even Ghandi got himself into a brawl
For Mr. Willy Wonka, we all sing for he's the king of them all

There was sugar balloons, and macaroons on feathery sweets
And marshmallow treats, transforming wheezing geezers to a child
And let me say that Mr. Willy Wonka whips a swirl what makes a girl go wild! Well he does
Tell the one about the Indian prince! The one about Prince Pondicherry
Oh, you like the scary ones, don't you, Charlie

Willy Wonka went to India near the kingdom of Madras
Where he met Prince Pondicherry who was rich but awfully crass
He had wed a Maharini who craved chocolate for each meal
So he called up Willy Wonka, and he said

"Let's make a deal! I will pay a million rupees for a house to fill her belly
We will be the talk of Punjab! And the toast of all New Delhi"
"I will gladly build this fortress," Wonka said
"But just one thing. It will be nice for the winter, but it won't last past the spring
"For the sun will make a river of this chocolate Taj Mahal
"And you'll end up in hot chocolate with your chocolate femme fatale"
But the prince, he wouldn't listen
"Use a bonbon for the dome! I won't rest until my missus eats me out of house and home"

And so Wonka built a showplace
But when summer came around
All the walls began to melt till every ceiling hit the ground
But the prince and princess perished
Drowning in the chocolate flow
Yes they died cause they were greedy
Ahhh, but what a way to go, ah, but Charlie, then the spies came

Ficklegruber! Prodnose! And Slugworth

Stealing every new invention as soon as it appeared. Wonka closed down the factory
And no chocolate was made for a very long time. And then one night, the lights came back on again
And strange shadows appeared at the windows! Yes! The factory was up and running again! But how?
Nobody's ever gone in, and nobody's ever come out
And that is one of the strange mysteries of the chocolate-making world
Yes the smoke returned to the windows, and the gates stayed locked and chained! And strange shadows

Ghostly shadows! Appeared at the windows unexplained
Yes out went Ficklegruber, Prodnose, Slugworth
No one went in, which was quite bizarre
But the factory churned! And the sweets returned

If we could only afford one bar
So Charlie now you're up to date on Willy Wonka, now you know what he's about
Though it's a crying shame that no one's going in, at least the chocolates still come out
Now once again each brother's daughter feels her mouth begin to water
(?)
Now each nose that sense olfactory thinks the factory's satisnacktory
For a single whiff I might commit a crime

Yes Mr. Willy Wonka's like I said! A man ahead of his time
I've still got it! I've slipped a disc!
I think I need a pee, I think I just had one!