On The Highway Of Love

In my home I’m not the boss
With my kids I’m at a loss
My life seems close, but no cigar
I've been jilted by my lucky star
Well thank god, at least I've got my car
(Okay everyone in.)
(Okay I'll keep the mousse cake on my lap.)
(Ready when you are and no fighting)
When I'm driving, I'm the king of my domain (Be careful pulling out)
When I'm driving I'm a beast without a chain
(Slow, slow! We’re not in a hurry)
When I’m driving I’m a force you can’t restrain
(Put on your blinker, people aren’t mind readers)
But on the highway of love she's driving me insane
Keep your eyes on the road
Keep your thoughts in your head
Keep your hands on the wheel
Shut your mouth or your dead
I should've taken a cab
You should've taken a pill
When automobiling, we're not too appealing
When they're driving,
all they ever do is complain
(Watch. Watch.)
(La. La. La. I can’t hear you)
When their driving
it's a verbal hurricane
(Help me)
(Get in the car crazy lady)
When their driving we get a large migraine
(You know so much, you take the wheel)
(No!)
On the highway of love their driving us insane!
(Ladies and gentlemen, my wife, a mere passenger in my machine,)
(seems to think it’s her job to share her relentless opinions with the pilot.)
(But remember all of those James Bond movies?)
(the ones with all those cool cars with those ejector seats…)
(All I’m saying is: General Motors could make a fortune!)
(I thank you very much)

(You know, my husband has a heavy foot, which goes along with a heavy head.)
(You'll think he would view driving as a simple means of getting from somewhere to
somewhere else.)
(Instead, he must view it as a right of manhood, a test of testosterone.)
(If you ask me, it’s no coincidence that the stick shift is shaped like the male sex organ.)
(I thank you.)

At home we don’t fight
At home we don’t yell
But once we start the car, the marriage goes to hell
(Are we there yet? Are we there yet?)(You’re gonna’ hit that truck!)(Daddy, I’ve gotta’ pee! I’ve gotta’ pee!)
(Will you all shut up?)
We’re losing our grip on this family trip!
When were driving our fights are high octane;
(This man is trying to kill me!)
When were driving were obnoxious and profane
(God-dammit! Don’t make me stop this car.)
When were driving were in a lot of pain
(We’re growing up dysfunctional)
On the highway of love
We scream till were hoarse!
On the highway of love
They ought get a divorce
On the highway of love
(Okay, that wasn’t so bad)
(Okay, you park the car)
(I’ll take the mousse cake)
(Noah Emma, make sure you kiss all your relatives)
(And don’t tell anyone they’re getting fat)
(Hey, made good time)

Forever shall I reign,
Oh, yeah!
(Love ya, babe!)